Monday, April 30, 2007
it's over

from the start of the exams to the end of it, a mere 14days.. but so much had change.. at least it's over.. i dont have to worry about studying anymore.. i guess this is the first time i'm not worried about my papers.. at least not the last 3papers.. not cos i did well on it.. on the contrary, i think i might do quite badly for them.. the usual me would have freaked out.. but nah.. i dont really feel much for it.. even though i did only about 50% of each paper.. and i'm not even the least bit confident of them.. but i think i can pull through it.. or im not going to think of it.. ha..

well its the 7th day le, lets hope my grandma do come back.. and i still couldnt believe that this is real... its almost like a dream, its like a week just flew by.. sigh.. life have to go on.. so pple, remember to ask me out k.. but sorry ar.. no mj for now.. since i cant go to others hse.. unless you all dont mind coming my hse to play mj in the noon lah huh.. otherwise no mj for me!!! sad.. i need some entertainment.. sigh

Saturday, April 28, 2007
if only it was just a dream...

the past 5days have been hell for me.. and probably is going to be for quite some time.. how i wish it was all just a dream.. none of it felt real... till today.. til i felt all the sorries, regrets, sadness overflowing into me.. sorry pple.. now then telling you guys... my grandma just pass away.. been trying to keep things within my own control.. trying to juggle all my grief and emotions while trying to cope with the exams is hell... and now im almost at the breaking point.. how i tell myself every morning when i wake up that i just need to pull through today.. just hold it up for one more day till all of it will be over... but now i almost wanted to give up on my last paper on mon.. but i cant.. i promised my late grandma i will do well.. the least i can do is keep my promise...

a few of you been asking me if anything has happened.. thats why i only decided to post this here after i sent my grandma off... thanks for all your concerned.. very much appreciated... but guess have to slowly learn to accept this fact.. the grandma i loved so much.. and i cant even get the last glance of her before she left.. i didnt even get to greet her one more time.. how i forgot to love her... how i cant even give her 10% of my time.. how i thought she would always be there.. but not anymore.. all these regrets will be with me for a long long time...

Labels: cries

Friday, April 27, 2007
facade

had noone to blame, other than time... time is not with me..
i want to feel, but i cant..
i have to say im ok, when im not..
i want to cry out loud, but only can do that inside me...
i want my memories, but i had lost it..
most of all, i want time.. but that is already in the past..

now, i dont want anymore of such, only wish to turn back time..
back to when i can still remember... to feel, to cry, to laugh...

Labels: cries

Tuesday, April 24, 2007
my only regret

this time round just let me cry... i've lost someone so dear to me.. someone i forgot to love.. dont ask me to be strong.. i wont crumpled yet.. not till after the exams... i'm sorry people.. just let me cry to my heart content.. i wont have the chance again...

empty inside.. i cant feel anything but grief and sadness.. but i have to be a robot.. to continue doing the things i do.. the person i am... my regrets...

Labels: cries

Monday, April 23, 2007
50% over...

another done.. in one more week.. when all will be done!! ha cant wait.. but 'tis one week if going to be tough.. especially the last paper.. hope i can keep to working even harder.. i dont to end up regretting it like the previous paper.. enough of this.. just to countdown to the end of it.. 1more week!! did you girls c this!! sand!!! jess!!! jane!!! one more week!!! till we all can meet again!! muahahaha =)

i wonder if it's possible to get use to it.. or that one has already expect what is going to happen, that there's already no point getting upset over it... well i guess it will never happen to me.. im too easily moved... even though it's what i had expected.. but i guess i wont get over it..

Friday, April 20, 2007
4 more..

counting down.. another 1omore days and 4more papers before i regain my freedom.. and to do all the things i wanna do.. and not to forget the things i have to do.. and also meeting up with those peeps going to US for the next 3mths.. ha.. so i screwed this crucial paper.. but on the bright side should be able to pass (well maybe, i'm keeping my fingers crossed), but with what grade.. i have no confidence in that.. but i do put in alot of effort for this paper.. hoping that this time round i can finally get a B for a 4aus sub.. yesh im lousy.. so far all my 4aus subs i did badly.. since yr1.. damn.. i guess i will continue to do badly for it til i graduate.. ha.. which mean its going to be crap sheet of paper that i will be getting.. sigh.. lets hope everyone find the paper hard today and mostly cannot do or dont know how to do or not enough time to do.. better still if they never attempt at all.. ha! and that the results come out to be a INVERTED bell curve.. so by getting 30marks u can get A le.. haha ya lah.. in my dreams...

well i hope things did turn around towards the better part.. and that what i wished for came true.. at least it's getting nearer.. thank god if HE is willing to give me more time.. to do my part.. please not let it be a false hope..

Wednesday, April 18, 2007
it started..

my doom started a few hours earlier.. and its going to last til 30th.. just a mere 2wks.. i have to hang in there... there's too much going on in my mind and there's no way i can stop thinking.. something i wished would never occur.. at least not yet.. i'm having my regrets.. yet there's nothing i can do now.. i can only say im so unfilial.. yes i am.. and i'm regretting it now.. hope its not too late... sigh.. i'm already imagining the worst.. but now i have to concentrate on studying.. but seriously its hard.. i guess this sem its going to be hard.. i can only hope i will pull it through.. and also.. im pinning all my wishes for not having the worst come true..

pple.. please give me all your good wishes... i really really really need it...

-it hurts, when you can do nothing to make it better.. especially for something that matters too much-

Friday, April 13, 2007
screwed!

argh.. stupid renovations!!! why does people LOVED to renovate their house during this period of the year.. this isnt the first time i encounter such idiotic things.. last year exam period is also like this.. just that this time round it got worse!! 2 houses are doing renovation.. and to add on that.. one of it is my neighbour!! like WTF!! i am those type that can only study at home, and not any other places.. damnit.. sooo irritated with all this.. whats more, they LIKED to start work on the day BEFORE the start of my exams... JUST GREAT! and not to forget, tons of stuffs gotta happen just one week before the exams.. yesh.. i mean THIS week.. sigh.. things that got me worried.. now im seriously screwed.. all the subs barely half-done.. argh..

i just wanna complain.. dont care about my crankiness, stress made me become like this.. ha! and just great.. look at the date... friday the 13th.. the day when all the crap seriously just fall onto you.. argh...

im going to disappear this time round.. im sorry if i cant be there for you anymore.. i'll find you when exams are over.. real sorry.. that is if you read this... ha and also, "to-whom-it-may-concern"- i wonder when you will actually read this.. but hey! no worries.. i'll DEFINITELY find you once my exams are over k.. wait for me!!! and we can all go shopping ar!! =)

-sigh.. looking at the date today.. 13th April.. it has been that long.. 3years had gone by.. we still think of you from time to time.. it's almost like you never left.. and yes.. i will continue to count on this every year.. afteral you had been an important part of our lives.. -

Monday, April 09, 2007
i wish... and i hope...

somethings just aint meant to be said.. so i can only wish, and hope, and pray.. for what i want it to be.. though theres nothing much i could do.. all would be well.. but i couldnt help but worry.. even for things that i know wont happen..

and yes.. time to seriously get my act together about mugging 12hrs a day!! im sorry if i cant be there always, afterall i got other commitments going on now.. hope it would be good though.. no.. should be DEFINITELY will be good.. ha well after that, it would be STUDY, STUDY, STUDY!

-theres too much i cant say...-

Saturday, April 07, 2007
fruitful.

i'm happy. happy. happy. hahaha well say me easily contented lah.. cos i went out the whole of today!! been so long since i went out and enjoy myself for FULL day.. hahaha a way for me to relieve my stress before i locked myself at home and isolate myself from everyone.. yesh i do feel guilty for going out and not studying like every other pple... especially since im so lagging behind.. i can already hear pple nagging at me liao.. for not doing the right thing... BUT!! i need to do something for myself lah huh.. and theres something that i DEFINITELY have to do before its too late.. and i might end up regretting it... i dont wanna live in regret for not doing my best.. abit ambigious.. but i cant say.. for those who knows.. will know it lah huh.. ha..

well thanks jasc for accompanying me to ktv even though you are having a bad hangover.. appreciate it very much.. and also for going all over the places with me to look for some room vacancies so we can sing!! ha..

meet up with my girlies again.. this time is full force!! like finally.. i wonder when was the last time all 5 of us met up.. im glad all give me face lah.. haha been so long since we laugh out loudly in BK.. n probably we are the loudest of all.. when i can say whatever i want with you girls, and you all dont judge me.. for just taking me for who i am.. haha.. but then again.. i also never say much today.. well maybe next time k.. i will tell you all de.. hahaha cos i love you girls sooooo much!! haha ok im starting to sound like some lesbo... well maybe i'm turning into one... hahahaha.... *going crazy*

Wednesday, April 04, 2007
Happy Birthday Daphne!!

as the title reads, HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAPHNE!!! haha better wish u here before it reaches 12midnite.. well hope you like the psp we each paid abit for it.. ha.. ohh to add.. liang ask me to wish my cousin happy birthday.. so here it goes.. HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAPHNE!!! -from liang-
hahaha ok im being lame here...

well nothing much.. finally the lame-ass report done, though not handed in yet.. next up, essay to be done.. hope can finish it by tml, then i can start on my revision le.. so much to read, and basically most of the notes i havent read before.. so im soo dead.. nvm, just endure for this month.. and all will be fine le!! ha.. better get my ass back to my essay.. yawns

Monday, April 02, 2007
too much

damn.. got the feeling that i'm going to fall sick again... zzzzz throat was dry for most part of today.. hope i doesnt turn into sore throat.. i guess i havent fully recover from the 'virus attack' the previous time.. argh... and having not enough sleep aint helping at all.. though weekend just ended, but i only slpt for 4hrs each day?? its getting less as compared to the 5hrs i had.. not cos i didnt want to sleep, just that insomnia seems to be haunting me.. turning and tossing in bed before sleep decided to elude me, but its already time for me to wake up.. zzzzz physically, mentally and psychologically tired.. sigh.. countdown to thurs, after i handed in my idiotic project report.. and finally i can truly relax and rest for one full day before all the mugging begins... exams in only 15days!! my god... think i'm going to be soooo dead this sem.. and most probably my aim for this sem wont be achievable.. sigh.. when will i ever get what i aim for!!

anyway, sorry people if i do disappear during certain periods.. too many things to do.. like studying and other stuffs.. afterall, everyone needs time off from their lives.. ha.. well you all might still find me on my blog though.. i will never abandon my blog like some people out there hur.. tsktsktsk..