Sunday, April 27, 2008
emo-ing

in need of a hug... a real hug...

Friday, April 25, 2008
aimless

One more paper to go... and in less than 2weeks time, I will officially no longer be a student anymore, after my fyp presentation that is. Gotta add to the unemployment rate in singapore, since I have yet to get any jobs nor any interview. Looks like no one wanna hire me. Ha.

Well, been thinking these few days about what I am going to do with my life after graduation, and I realised that I'm kinda aimless. I have no idea what I wanna achieve or what is it that I want. Looking for job, just for the sake of money. Well, aint everyone the same right? Guess that's life. Sigh. Hmmm.. maybe I am going to take a break from everything, to slowly think of what I wanna achieve in life. If I could, I really wish to just disappear for awhile. Though I have no idea how long is that awhile that I need. But guess it's time to sort out my life, to reflect on life and how life is going to be. On a side note, looks like I'm already slowly losing my friends. How sad.

Thursday, April 24, 2008
regrets.

Wednesday, April 23, 2008
"injuries" everywhere

Just finish my 2nd paper, and yet I felt like I had battled through hell, 'cos I'm like aching everywhere?! ha. Study too long, till got backache everyday and also partly due to stress, but I feel quite slack ley. Ha. And also, wrote toooo much notes till my already weakened wrist is now aching like mad, almost unmovable. zzzzz. And not to forget, that eye! After a week le, that pimple-like thingy is still there. Call me suay, somehow it grew back the other day and only manage to "break" yesterday. So, I only had slightly normal eyes yesterday and gotta pia for the paper just now. Zzzzzz. To add on to it, I think it kinda "spread" to my left eye as well. Just great ehh! But luckily, it didnt grow yet, there is just this bump there. Hopefully the bump will just disappear, otherwise I'm going to be blind in both eyes. Just hope I'm not that suay lah. Looks like my infected tear duct is really bad, if not how can there be 3 bak chiam in one eye?! Ha. Ultimate. Ok enough of my crap. Just feel so tired, that's why I'm here typing away instead of staring at my notes.. sigh.

- I just wanna be alone in this world of my own. Please kindly get away from me. -

Thursday, April 17, 2008
blinded

Ok, exactly how "lucky" can I get. The night before my first paper, right eye got soo pain that I couldn't finish studying my notes, cos I couldn't really see. So, went to bed early, hoping that the next morning it will be fine. But no. Woke up only to find that it got worse. Eye got swollen and there something growing inside. Yesh, it's a bak chiam or the chinese name of it, zhen yan. Got no choice, but to force myself to finish studying for the noon paper. Somehow just manage finish reading it up before I leave house, but my eye is already quite pain. Went for exam, and towards the last 2questions, cant really concentrate, cos my eye is too pain and dry (thanks to the air con) that I'm having a headache. Hopefully, by some miracle I can do not that badly for yesterday's paper. That's really how lucky I can be, only to have this bak chiam on the first day of my exam. zzzzzz

By night, the eye got worse and it's so swollen that it look like goldfish? And that when I open my eyes, it looked like it's closed? Ha. It was that bad, 'cos instead of the normal 1 bak chiam, I got 2 growing in the same eye. YESH. Once again, goes to show how lucky I am. Ha. The pain was like doubled of what I felt in the morning, till I feel my whole eyeball is pain as well, when it's only the eyelid that is supposed to be pain. Luckily, woke up this morning to find out that one of it actually broke, so it is getting better. But still, I went to the doc, better be safe than regret. Haha. After some application of medicine, now it's actually much much better. At least I have normal sized eye and not that pain le. Doc say it will take a week to recover, but by then if it doesn't get better, I will need to get it cut out. zzzzzzz. Luckily the medicine works.. hahaha. Well, still feel kinda blinded and everything I'm looking at seem abit blur, till I can't really start on studying. Sigh. Well, at least I got 8days break before my next paper, still not that bad. Ha.

Ohh ya, to add. gerger!! If you are reading this, I'm telling you that the strings kinda works! After tying it, the thing actually broke the this morning!! Haha. Well, maybe it's just xin li zuo yong. But still, I guess it works. Hahaha. =)

Monday, April 14, 2008
so now... I'm stupid.

ARGH! Just feel so much like screaming right now. For some unknown reason, I'm stupid. Probably 'cos I'm just brainless or what. First, I study damn slowly that I have no idea why. Second, none of the things I read went in or probably 'cos I'm too stupid to understand it. Third, I'm stupid enough to get "disturbed" by idiotic stuffs that is ongoing around me. Fourth, is something that I don't know how to express it, 'cos I'm too stupid. Fifth, Sixth, Seventh,.... etc. The list can just go on and on and on that I just feel stupider as I list them out. Sigh. So, why am I so stupid? Can anyone tell me?

Just feel damn sian. And ya, just look at the date, 13/04/08. The exact date 4 years ago, I lost a constant joy in my life. And 1 year ago (on the lunar date), I had my greatest regret in life. Just great isn't it? Sigh. I just want to concentrate on studying, but somehow it's hard and I'm here typing it away. Someone kindly please slap me awake. I seriously don't feel well or balanced. Sigh.

Friday, April 11, 2008
last exams

Lessons in NTU finally ended yest at 130pm, my last lecture in NTU. Ha. Looking back at the 4years in NTU, I realise I hadnt really been listening to most of my lectures, seems like I'm just half listening. Ha. Well, indeed 4years just flew by, and somehow I felt that I had actually wasted my 4years in NTU. Didnt feel that I had accomplished anything during this 4years. Barely made a few friends, never had the time to join any CCA, neither do I care about what's going on in school. Bascially, I'm just drifting along, not much directions and well, now the time's up, last exams before I graduate. Ha. I wonder if I will miss NTU, but I would say I miss studying, or rather those times you can spend slacking. But still, I hate exams. Hahaa.

Thinking back, I realise I really miss time spent in swiss and SA. Those are the periods where I don't really have a care for anything, when life is actually carefree and of cos I have all my close friends with me. Well, those were the days. Well, now I do regret not making full use of my time in NTU, could have done more and accomplished much more. Never had the chance to exchange overseas or done extremely well in any exams, if only I tried harder. Hahaha. Ok enough of my emo-ing, exams in a few days, and all those "symptoms" of stress are showing, such as backache, wrist pain, too much idling, finding excuse to rest, too much tv, etc. Gotta start my engine moving.

Tuesday, April 08, 2008
finally license-d

After 10months, and it came 3+months late... now I'm finally licensed to drive on the road!! ha. So now I'm an official road hazzard, so people please get off the road if somehow I manage to rob a car to drive! haha. Well, nothing to be proud of cos I seriously think I sucked... or probably cos I no longer have any confidence in my driving after the 2nd try.. one long story, so I shall not elaborate here.. but all thanks to the 2nd tester, I had no confidence left this time round.. But somehow, I manage to do it.. so I guess that's good enough and I'm lucky to have a lenient tester..

Hmmm don't really feel that happy after I knew I passed.. would have been happy if I done it the 1st time or 2nd time.. but 3rd time.. I already feel like a loser if I don't make it. Ha. In fact, I feel alittle sad, cos realise that I got no one to share this happiness with. I guess other than my family, no one cares about it ba, after all I really don't wanna waste my mum's money anymore.. I spent WAY TOO MUCH learning driving.. ha. Well, at least something good happen in april and today is a nice date.. 080408.. ha!