Monday, October 22, 2007
not well

havent been feeling the best the last few weeks.. for almost 2weeks.. been having headache and the feel of giddiness.. almost everyday.. havent really been resting well and cant afford to get much sleep either.. well maybe i just have some tumour in my brain or what lah huh. ha. and my backache is back to haunt me.. it always find company in me when im under stress.. during exams, when im studying, or when im rushing for reports, projects etc... sigh. i dont think i work well under stress... well at least i dont get backache everyday... to add on, my wrist is aching.. either from too much writing, typing or probably it just rhuemetisim acting up.. till i have trouble writing in my normal handwriting..zzzzz

probably today is the worst.. maybe thats why im updating this.. ha! woke up in the morning not feeling well.. with the headache AGAIN.. and with a bloated gastric... READ not STOMACH... which make me keep having the urge to burp but cant? slowly the bloated gastric turn to gastric pain.. which has been with me since early in the morning till now... even after eating, i still feel the gastric pain sigh.. just glad i didnt faint on the bus on my way home.. ha!

guess the stress is SERIOUSLY getting to me.. stress from school, stress from friends, stress from everyday's life and most stress coming from myself... till i couldnt sleep well the last few nights even though i was really tired.. woke up feeling like i didnt sleep at all.. sigh.. just another 3weeks to exam... cannot afford to fall sick now, especially since i still have 1 report and 1 presentation to work hard.. 1 is 60% of final grade and another is 40% of final grade... cannot hand in sloppy work.. hope i dont mess it up like i did with my quiz last week.. ha

been really weird this few days, and having to deal with some nonsensical stuffs which just add to my stress.. well maybe its time i give up trying.. let things be the way it is.. after what's said are just words if it's without action... not if what had happened doesnt show what had been said... maybe it's just me being selfish, always having the thoughts that what i did is for the best, or that im just plain useless, not being able to be the best even after i had tried so hard.. yes, i just wanna go back to where i was, who i am.. that bitch who doesnt care and living in a world with only me...

ok, after typing so much... i still have no idea why im typing all this.. ha. seems like lately all my post i just showing how stressed up i am.. well maybe, next time i wont post all this here ba.. i dont wanna turn into an old, complaining, naggy me.. well, who cares when i dont even care about myself? ha!