Tuesday, December 13, 2005
steamboat at aa's hse

tis is goin to be one super duper long entry.. read only if u got nth to do.. n very FREE~

wah.. jus came back from aa's hse.. haha bathe le.. now waitin for hair to dry.. so shall come update abt the events while its all stil fresh in mi mind.. as usual is fun fun n more fun wif the bowlers.. up whole nite playin games n forfeit of truth or drink! hahaha can say dat im always quite lucky.. din lose much.. not like the other day at MW where i keep losing.. hahaha n yesh.. thnx to aa for lendin us his hse to hav tis steamboat.. n sry if we made a mess out of ur hse.. hope u din hav a bad time tryin to clean up ar.. hahaha

well after a very long heart to heart tok to most of the bowlers.. i realise dat we get to noe each other beta le.. n most imptly.. i get to noe abt miself even beta.. n i realise dat im actually quite a bad person.. not in the sense of doin bad things.. jus dat mi personality wasnt really gd.. so was mi character.. hahaha well this was sth i noe quite long ago.. jus dat i dun wanna face it.. or mayb i dun wish to change.. i hate changes.. but den again.. wat make mi even more a bad person is dat i noe it.. yet im not doin anythin abt it!!! ok i will try to change as much as i can.. cos i realise i cant even stand miself sometimes.. n y i acted ways in which i noe will hurt others n miself..

ok lets c..
bad pt1 (tink is the worst i had): being too critical abt things/person.
i noe dat i am very straightforward person.. n i dun giv face to pple.. sometimes i dun even care abt wat others is feeling.. n yesh i noe it... dats y i do feel bad abt things i had said even though i dun show it.. im not a person who is very gd wif words.. n most of the times mi expression dun really show wat im feeling. sorry to all those i had offended in some ways or others.. i dun mean to b dat straightforward lah... im tryin to change tis.. n do help mi along the way k.. hahaha and next time i sae sarcastic stuffs again.. jus turn a deaf ear k..

bad pt2: im not trusting enough wif the pple ard mi.
well circumstances had made me into the person i had become.. i dun wish to b tis way either.. i oso wanna go back to mi old ways... but seriously is very hard... im too guarded.. i dun let pple in dat easy.. i wen i do.. dat is the person i trusted wholeheartedly.. had trust issues.. so learning to b more trusting now.. but stil far from it lah.. it takes time k.. sry guys.. hahaha

bad pt3: i dun express wat i feel.
im not a person who is gd at expressing mi feelings.. cos usually i hide it.. yesh i do appreciate all mi frens.. n very much.. n truly glad dat they r there wen i do need help.. n oso to those guys.. really really appreciated those stuffs u all did.. altough it seems ying kai.. but it may seems like i take it for granted.. but NO!! i din.. cos i do appreciate every little things dat is ard me.. jus dat i really dunno how to express it... tis is sth i seriously cant change... cos i dunno how.. learning wun help.. so sry again if im may seem nonchalent abt some things... but deep inside im very glad n happy abt having frens like u guys lah..

bad pt4 (another which i seriously need to change): i always tink im right.
haha dat i noe it.. i dun like to lose.. i dunno y.. im a very competitive person.. n dats wat mi growing up environment has made mi into... mayb next time i explain to u guys k.. hahha long story... i noe tis is not gd.. it makes mi into a very ba dao person.. even mi miself dun like it.. hard to change too... since young til now.. become a bad habit le.. nvm.. habit can b changed.. i shall try...

bad pt5: i have a bad temper.
well mayb u guys may not c it often or some nv c b4 ba... but i do hav a bad temper.. but stil not dat bad.. cos i can keep it in control.. learnt dat bad temper dun get u anywhere.. hahaha

bad pt6: im a control freak n perfectionist.
im not those type wif leadership ability or flair of it.. but i wan to keep things within/ard me in control... feels dat in control makes mi a more sensible person.. but sometimes bein too controlling can suffocate pple.. i noe dat.. dats y now im alittle beta lah... cos shd jus let nature takes its course.. not everything is within wat i had expected... n oso being too perfectionist.. i wan things to b done my way.. wen it isnt.. i will b upset.. well mayb tis stil not dat bad.. but its making mi into a bad person in some ways lah... hahaha

bad pt7: STUBBORNASS!!
hahaha yesh in CAPS le.. im super duper stubborn.. jus mi character.. well wun say totally bad.. but not really gd either.. once i made up mi mind abt sth.. it wun change.. or mayb very hard to change.. n tis is one bad pt i cant change or wun change ba.. tis is jus mi lor...

ok dats abt wat i can tink of now.. most of the more impt bad pts which i knew of.. n those listed by u guys.. hmm seems like some is actually repeating pts la.. jus from 1 leads to another... hahaha well many pple tell mi abt it b4.. jus dat i din bother.. but now things had changed... im not living in a world of mi own.. i hav to change n accommodate to pple... cos the world dun jus revolve ard mi.. can say i noe miself quite well.. jus dat i feel tis is mi.. no pt changing.. but now i noe tis idea is very wrong in some ways... i need to change.. well nvm i shall make all tis mi new yr resolution.. hahaha thnx guys for being so truthful k.. mayb now i can open up more le ba.. hahaha need to get some slp le.. haven slpt for the last 24hrs.. n realise im gettin old!!! jus din slp for 24hrs den mi pimples start to pop out again!!! n the dark circles look like shiat!!! hahaha now i need another 1wk or so to clear those damn pimples le... boo.. im OLD!!!