Monday, January 31, 2005
in sch in sch!

in sch rite now... damn sianz.. cos its mon... weekend like over so fast lor.. den sch day is like soo long everydae.. sianz.. thurs faster cum ar.. den cny next wk lor.. den abit no mood to study.. but no choice lor.. all mi quiz cumin liao.. hav to study study study.. stress ley.. damn lag behind in mi studyin lor.. haven touch most of mi ntoes..tink i goin to die liao lor... n mi arm got 1 big blue black!!! pain ley... dats wat i got for tryin to help mi dad to carryin the super heavy marble dinnin table.. til got big blue black... zzzz n mi back is like forever achin like nobody biz!! sumdaes its beta not adt pain.. but stil pain lor... den got sum very bad daes.. til i cant squat down to even take stuffs n i canot sneeze w/o feelin pain thruout mi whole back!! sian lor.... dunno wats wrong wif mi stupid back.. gettin too old for anithin liao lor... feel like breakin mi back n fix it back again.. wan go c doc.. but money is an issue... n scared later go liao den doc sae got sum prob wif mi back.. den damn sian liao lor.. nvm lah.. tink i shall jus die wif mi stupid achin back le... enuff complainin.. jus cum here to complain lah... ohh ya.. so now i guess alot of ppl understand wat i mean wen i sae i jus scold ani1 wen i got angry.. haha no offence.. jus mi n mi bad bad temper... wahahahaha.. but realli... no1 shd tolerate mi bad temper... n liang... gd thing u scold mi!!! hahahaha... i need a gd scoldin aniwae... to wake up mi idea... cos usualli no1 bothers to scold mi other den mi bro.. but he in camp liao.. so no1 will scold mi at hm liao.. so yeah.. pple jus scold mi!! hahahahaha... goin mad liao.. deprivin of scoldin from pple... wahahahahahha... ehh but muz scold wif a reason hor.. not for no reason k.. otherwise i will scold back 1 lor.. den end up i dun get ani scoldin!! wahahaha... mad mad mad mad me....

Saturday, January 29, 2005
nicky's birthday...

ok.. mus b wonderin y am i updatin at such a time rite.. well.. aniwae dun tink anione cares lah... suppose to b at ben's chalet like now?!? but i blew up n left.. din wan to come hm either.. jus feel like wanderin ard the streets... dunno y... sth is jus fucked up wif mi?? too much unhappiness?? too much build up frustration?? or its jus mi... initialli was fine at the chalet.. den guess im tinkin too much again... n i felt so damn pissed.. not at ani1.. jus wif miself.. so i blew up.. n liang sorry k... not scoldin u... or ani1 there in fact... its jus happen to blew up.. dunno y either.. got too pissed wif miself dat i felt dat i need to scold sum1?? nvm... no pt explainin aniwae.. alwiz felt dat there's no need to explain things.. cos wats the pt rite?? it onli make matter worse?? so rather pple get the wrong idea all along lah... hai... findin the need to cry rite now... i miss mi dog... todae was suppose to his birthdae.. if hes stil ard he will b 6 liao... but he wasnt ard animore.. n nv will b... mayb dats y i blew up.. i miss mi dog alot alot... everythin jus wasnt rite for mi... n how i wish mi dog will b here to comfort mi... but he will nv be ard animore... hai... too much is runnnin thru mi head.. n im feelin awful everywhere... realli feel like i shd jus die... no pt sufferin... hai... sorry mi frens... i hardly got angry in front of mi frens b4.. tis is like the few times i actualli did.. n realli sorry to ben.... i spoil ur chalet... hope i din spoil ur mood... n especialli liang lor... tink u wasnt feelin gd in the 1st place.. n i hav to scream at u lah... n sorry to the others hu is there too... sorry sorry... will b beta once i get mi slp... but it will nv b over for mi....

-i hate miself soooo much.... n i miss nicky much much more....-

Wednesday, January 26, 2005
back after a few days..

finalli i cum to update again... nth much to update oso.. dats y no cum update lor.. life is jus so borin... study study.. n not enuff time to slack? sianz.. nvmm wed liao.. tml nite im free liao!! haha wkend wkend!! yeah.. CNY cumin liao.. hmm abit excited n sianz at the same time.. excited cos got ang baos to take.. den i got money liao... if not now veli broke.. n get to buy new clothes.. n no need i pay.. haha.. sianz cos its jus like another dae?? n hav to clean up mi rm... zzzz onli half way done lor... sianz... not enuff time to clean it up liao lor.. n fri goin to ben's chalet.. so probably wasted mi fri n sat cleanin dyas.. haha but its ok... jus an excuse for escapin from mi work.. yeah yeah.. wkend wkend!

Saturday, January 22, 2005
chomp chomp fun!

arrr.. mi back is sooo killing mi!! achin like nobody biz lor... cant even bend down w/o feelin pain throughout mi body!! argh.. dunno wth is wrong wif mi back lor... now stil pain... tink i need a doc liao lor.. but no money... hai... jus die wif mi achin back ba.. yest stay hm for the whole noon cleanin up mi rm... so sian of cleanin lor.. spring cleanin.. so ma fan.. hav to take out everythin n put it back again.. like wats the pt rite.. argh... n dat worsen mi backache lor..... dun pack later mi mum nag n nag.. oso nv c her nag at mi bro... out whole dae lor.. i onli went out like in the evenin n she complain like mad.. irritatin lor.. n i did mi share of work liao mah!! back realli damn pain.. hope will b beta tml...

well yest went chomp chomp wif the bowlers... it took mi like 2hrs to reach there?!? so damn far lor.. its even further den for mi to travel to pasir ris lor.. but the journey is worth it lah.. the food there veli veli nice.. nv been there lah.. so abit suaku lor.. we ate for like 2hrs.. haha lots of crap.. n doin dumb stuff again... alwis doin spastic stuff wif the bowlers.. but super farnie lor.. after dat wen to phil's hse.. so nice of him to lend us his hse again.. haha wat to do.. his hse big n got enuff mahjong tables for all of us mah.. haha yeah.. play abit of mahjong n bridge.. damn farnie lor.. phil did sth dat make us laugh til i teared lor.. haha... alwiz havin so much fun wif the bowlers.. n help to relieve all mi stress n unhappiness!! cheers to u guys!! =)

Wednesday, January 19, 2005
1more dae.. jus one more!!

tired man... jus reach hm... head is burstin.. haha nvm nvm.. 1more dae... endure!! den wkend liao.. yeah yeah.. fri PH but bo hua for mi... cos mi fri is alreadi free dae liao.. so no diff lor.. nvm.. shdnt complain... at least i dun hav make-up lesson.. haha... even if hav dun tink i will go aniwae lor.. well suppose to b hm like ard 530?? but did mi lab quite fast den end abt an hr b4 the actual lab ends... so cool rite.. haha did pair work wif dap.. n tink we both anihow do 1 lor... haha... dun care lah.. like shane sae.. ITS ONLY 1AU!! so yeah.. anihow do oso get B lor.. so dun care lah.. hahaha... yesh.. i cant wait for tml to b over..

Monday, January 17, 2005
sch is borin...

bloggin in sch rite now.. so damn borin lor.. dyin of insufficient slp lor.. almost fell aslp in lect jus now.. haha... heavin break.. nth to do.. sianz man... sch is soooooooo borin!!! yeah.. ben u beta win tot soon k.. den giv mia million den i can foget about sch liao... haha crap.. monday blues.. feelin cranky again.... stil got lesson til 1530 lor.. i wan to go hm n slp!!!

Saturday, January 15, 2005
things will nv be the same again..

i have rebonded hair!! well tink tis time not as gd as the 1st time.. cos hair not veli long den not dat straight.. cos not heavy enuff.. well at least its beta den mi original hair which is like so messy... well went out wif dear todae.. watch movie n eat dinner.. went back after dat.. as usual.. but i noe dat there is tis feelin of weirdness btwn us... cant explain.. wat i can say is dat things btwn us will nv be the same again... jus like a piece of glass... once it was broken.. no matter how u mended it.. the cracks will alwiz b visible.. it will nv be back to the same as b4.. im sad.. but wat can i do... anithin dat i do will b of no use animore... sumtimes it jus hurts jus bein tgt.. hai.. dun tink he will forget it anitime soon.. the feelin will not b the same animore..


nth to do at the moment.. so back to update lor.. waitin for msg.. so cant slp yet.. nvm lah.. shall jus rot here.. well.. todae no sch.. fri is mi official wkend liao.. went watch movie wif colleen.. no1 to watch movie so jio her lor.. shalll praise her lah.. so nice of her to accompany to watch movie n shop ard lor.. watch ALFIE.. well jus an average show.. but the way they flim it is weird lah.. it almost like Jude Law was tokin to himself throughout the show.. after show wen walk ard.. wan to find the shirt i saw at bugis TopShop.. but cant find it at orchard ley.. mayb there too messy or wat can seem to find it.. sad.. suppose to b mi CNY clothin.. now i hav to hunt again liao.. jus keep walkin ard.. saw a couple to tees i like.. but cant buy lah.. shd buy for CNY not for casual wear.. so din buy.. mayb go buy another time lor.. tink i hai colleen lah.. haha brin her go shop den she c so mani things she wan to buy... wat to do.. pple rich mah.. can buy anithin she c... her poor mother.. haha hav to pay for all liao.. well crappin.. too bored.. ohh ya.. tml goin to rebond mi hair!!! yes.. again... the last time i did it is like 2yrs+ ago.. yeah.. wonder how i will look.. probably weird lah.. the hair becum tooo flat.. nvm.. u guys will get to c it sumdae soon.. ha.. well like finalli i got new hairstyle.. not exactly new either.. haha looks like the crappin get alittle too long liao.. time to go rottin once again..

Thursday, January 13, 2005
ben's theory of frenship...

back again.. well.. not sae feelin beta.. hmm well i understand dat sum things r nv meant to b forgotten.. but ben said dat other things r meant to b forgotten!! haha.. well i shall try to forget those things i shd forget.. yeah.. n the previous post abt frens of mine hu r jus kpo n dun care.. well disappointed in ppl like u.. n yeah.. tok to ben.. n he gave mi his theory of his circle of frenship.. well im like a dot in the centre... n there r circles surroundin the dot.. innermost circle is mi bestest fren dat i can confide in.. n to let u all noe... no1 is in it!! well... wat can i sae.. i dun confide in pple.. or dat i cant find ani i can confide in... after dat circle is close frens... well glad to let u all noe.. MOST bowlers r in there.. except for afew... not goin to name ani names... as u gradualli move outwards.. the closeness of frenship diminishes... until the last circle is aquaintance.. haha.. well.. after hearin dat.. i realise dat most of mi frens r movin outwards to the outer circle... onli a few r stil maintainin at the same circle... n no1 is movin towards the innermost circle.. yeah.. kinda interestin theory of frenship.. well... im feelin beta now.. after typin tis post.. ha.. n yeah... realli appreciate those frens hu truly cares.. glad to hav u guys ard...

-i.have.learnt.to.wipe.my.tears-

Tuesday, January 11, 2005
bored?? lifeless...

jus came back from sch.. soo tired... feel like slpin 24hrs everyday.. mayb its mi way of escapin?? dunno... nvm.. not tinkin animore... stil feel sick.. mayb is xin li zuo yong... back achin like nobody biz.. seriously tink sth is wrong wif mi back... hu will hav backache like almost everyday??!!?? n headache stil on off.. bad feelin... n dunno y like every part is achin... gettin too old? well mayb ba... sianz... so mani things to do.. n yet i dun feel like doin anithin to it.. no energy to do ba.. n thnx frens out there hu realli cares for mi... realli r frens i cld depend on.. well.. at least not like sum superficial frens.. hu acts as if they care?? wen actualli they r jus bein kpo.. yeah... frens like those.. i DUN NEED ANY OF U!!!! if dats it.. i rather b alone den..

Monday, January 10, 2005
feelin sick...

mi head is fallin apart.. keep havin migraines... summore is on off 1... n feelin sick too... but cldnt b bothered either... n now im eatin ice-cream... yeah... dun care lah.. sick liao oso like dt... hu cares rite.. beta off dead... sch is usual.. but i dun feel normal... alittle more mad den usual?? mayb ba... how long more can i survive?? i dunno i dunno..

-feel like vomittin-

Sunday, January 09, 2005
dog show?? an escape from reality

back from dog show.. went to work for a dae to earn sum money... n another way for mi to temperory forget everythin... saw mani dogs... happy n sad at the same time.. i love dogs soooo much! its like only they understand mi... or rather i onli hav them to tok to... stil no msg frm him.. hai.. msg him oso no reply... tink probably is hopeless liao... wat to do.. mi own fault oso.. mayb its meant to b like tis... tryin hard not to drop tears for the whole dae... im sad.. truly sad... hai...

-im.miserable.im.sad.my.eyes.are.swollen.i.cant.see.i.cant.feel.and.my.heart.is.gone-

Saturday, January 08, 2005
lovelife over..

hai... dunno wat to feel rite now.. i jus spoil mi everythin i ever had wif mi own hands... numb to anithin... regretted wat i did... n as to y i did it.. i may not hav a gd explanation y.... most imptly.. i dun wan to hurt him... but does he noe wat i realli feel inside?? all those feelings dat i had kept inside mi for the past 2yrs... n tis onli time i did sth wrong.. i ruined everythin we had for the last 2yrs.. no1 to blame but onli me... hai... jus take a knife n end it all ba.. i dun feel anithin animore... tis time is realli screwed liao... dun tink anithin can save wateva i had done.. i wan to blame dat stupid fuck up guy.. but wats the pt?? if only i done wat is rite in the beginnin... such thing will not happen.. im sad.. im broken.. but does he realli noe wat i feel.. i dun tink so.. n i dun need ani1 out there to help mi... jus leave mi to mi own misery... hai... i need a listenin ear... but y bother?? i wan to tell u... but u will not understand wat i feel... no1 i can confide in animore.. livin in a world of only me.... n no feelings.. hai


mi legs r achin!! haha lousy lah.. stand a few hrs den legs achinl ike mad.. but in the 1st place.. b4 goin to club alreadi ache liao.. so onli make it worse.. haha.. went zouk/phuture.. kinda borin... cos the crowd sux!!! but havin fun wif bowlers lor.. haha.. dun tink i will go another again... not into such things.. yeah.. n as wliz.. jas manage to put our plane again.. tink we got used to it le??? haha... well its an experience.... came out n i feel deaf?!? haha.. n everyone tokin sounds like whisperin to mi.. hahaha mad... ok shall rest at hm todae... mayb i go make mi hair?? dunno c how... if go make.. den u will c new hair tml.. hahah well actualli oso not new lah.. ahhahaha

Friday, January 07, 2005
clubbin.. mi 1st time..

back again.. no sch again.. haha.. no sch den i wake up late as usual lah... tis doesnt seems like sch has already start.. so slack lor... but tink next wk onwards i hav to work hard liao lor.. canot slack animore liao lor.. sianz.... yest nite went supper mi bowlers.. n plus shane... haha not bad lah... crappin again.. n so nice got pple fetch mi.. thnx wor.. n well at least i try to entertain shane k.. haha. but tink he oso no bored lah.. listen to our stories.. hahahhaa... aniwae.. later goin club wif bowlers again... guess it will b fun.. but dun tink i will like it lor... 1st time i actualli went to club.. suaku rite.. hahaha but i dun like club de lor.. so yeah.. tink onli will try tis once lor.. wun frequent such places... dun like crowded places n noisy too.. haha nvm shall try to enjoy lah.. hahaha n yeah its wif the bowlers... so definitely will b fun.. =)

Wednesday, January 05, 2005
free dae.. no sch

yeah.. no lesson todae... so no need go sch.. hahaha.. well actualli is got lesson lah.. but i go for the other lect on tues.. den no need go todae liao.. tis yr timetable too slack liao lah... got a feelin dat i wun do well tis sem lor.. but i muz try lah... dun wanna bao ani sub... c those bao 1 tis sem veli cham like dat... scary ley... tml noon lesson onli... so slack lah... fri no sch again.. hahahaha c how i plan mi timetable... til so mani no sch.. not bad rite... sianz... need to go do tut soon lia.. if not next wk too mani tut to do.. but actualli oso not alot to do.. onli got like 2tut?? hahhahaa... shall rot awhile lah.. off to rottin...

Monday, January 03, 2005
1st dae of sch!!! argh

argh... new sch term start le.. damn sianz.. back to goin sch.. i stil prefer mi rottin daeas lor.. hai... lesson so borin.. no notes... dunno wat the lecturer sayin oso... n i stil dun like engine... noe mi NY resolution is to try n like engine.. but its hard lah.. stil no interest in it... sianz ar... wen is hols cumin again??? todae is onli the 1st dae of sch n im tinkin of hols liao.. hahaha.. n i need money!! bowlers clubbin on wed.. dunno i goin or not.. stil tinkin lor.. cos thurs got sch.. n if go club.. dun tink can go hm oso.. dun wan mi mum kb mi cos next dae stil got sch.. haha.. c how ba... shao wo yi ge ren oso ok 1 rite?? stil as fun since alreadi got so mani goin liao.. hahaha

Saturday, January 01, 2005
welcome to yr2005 1st post!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!! its 2005 le.. so fast.. every yr seems to b passing by faster n faster.. y?? is it cos everything is jus gettin so mundane... hmm had a fanatastic time wif the bowlers yest.. our yearly gatherin to countdown.. haha.. tink all of us gone a little mad yest lah.. its always fun n madness wif them.. haha.. yeah.. help to relieve stress i guess.. reach hm at ard 10am tis mornin.. veli tired.. supposed to wake up at 3pm like dat.. guess weather toooo gd liao.. i slp til 5!! haha.. now feel refreshed.. wel.. as promised.. i will state mi new yr resolutions... dunno will i make it happen or not.. at least makin it is one step near to it?? haha n liang.. u wan to noe mi new yr resolution.. n c it here liao.. hahaha

hmm new yr resolutions...
- I must b happier tis yr n shall now think so much anymore.
- Learn to let go of things n forget all those unhappiness dat had already happened.
- To be more tolerant to ppl n not so bad tempered.
- Study harder n try to like Engine. (This is the hardest i tink.. haha)
- Living the moment to the fullest!!

yeah.. dats abt all lah.. hmm 2004 is over... many unhappiness happened durin the past 1yr.. things i must learn to let go... but i tink it hard.. need to try to tink less of it.. memories is a thing of the past.. now its time to look forward to the future n not dwell on the past.. yes.. i believe tis yr will b a much beta yr!!