Saturday, March 06, 2004

mi life is officialli over i guess.. done damn badly for mi a's.. so dun bother to ask liao... haiz.. well thnx for all those for tried consolin mi... i dun realli need consolation.. i need solution.. pple help mi tink wat can i do.. im goin to lose it soon.. haiz.. realli hav 0 idea as in wat was in there for mi.. read a few of mi horoscope for march.. n realise it was all too true.. n veli true.. well now tryin to accept fate.. n c wat i can realli do.. mi hopes r dashed.. cant gt into wat i realli wan.. n now forced to take sth which i hav no interest at all.. n realli NO interest... but wat to do.. tis is wat i gt for not puttin mi best effort in mi a's.. the feelin of regret is all over mi.. n i hate it.. haiz.. if onli hav work harder.. but its over le.. had disappointted miself.. n most importantly.. mi family... n every1 hu hav hopes pin on mi.. realli bad feelin.. so now im realli determined to do well if i can gt into uni.. n hope after the 1st yr can appeal to change course.. but hav to gt into uni 1st ba..

finalli realise dat im realli a BIG FAT FAILURE!!.. 2003 is a bad yr for mi... veli veli bad yr.. 1st mi study was shit... den bowlin was sucky.. den i nv achieve anithin i set for miself.. wat disappointment.. haiz.. hav to start plannin for mi life liao.. mi life is so different now.. haiz.. mani a times jus tot of dyin lor.. but no pt actualli... dyin on shows dat u had realli failed w/o tryin.. so mi last hope is gt into uni 1st den decide wat can i realli do liao... haiz..

well i din gt to sae tis to one of mi frens.. sum1 hu i consider close to mi durin jc yr.. she said sth like..
" y she keep pullin a long face ar? she oso nv did badly wat.. there r pple hu did worse den her (referin to herself)" she sounded irritated...
yeah i noe got pple worse den mi... u said dat cos u nv understand mi at all... i hav expectation for miself.. n i wan to achieve those expectation.. n wen u cant reach them.. u definitely will b sad.. n i do like studyin.. n i wan to continue studyin.. after almost losin wat i had.. i realise studyin is gd.... so i realli wan to study.. as for u.. u nv like studyin... n u dun care bout wat u got... we r so different... n im sad by wat u had said.. cos alwiz tot dat u r a gd fren n can understand how i feel... but no u dun... haiz.. n as for those hu tink the same wae as she do... u all oso dun understand mi ba.. its not bout comparin results n hu is gd n hu isnt.. its bout not achievin sth n way off from wat u expected... haiz.. guess no1 reali understand wat im feelin... so lost... no1 there to guide animore.. where is mi ray of hope?? n light at the end of the tunnel?? they r all dimmin.. i cant c.... cant feel... im lost...................