Friday, March 26, 2004

hey ppl.. finalli back to update le.. haha cos long time nv gt to online lor.. todae finalli took leave to stay hm n rest ba.. wanted to send those uni application lor.. haha.. oso nth much lah... workin life sux lor.. til u dun hav much time to do anithin liao... n no1 wan to let mi use comp too... so hav to take leave to use it lah,..hahh crap... hmm nth much to say.. but its nice to stay hm ba.. hee

Saturday, March 20, 2004

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Saturday, March 13, 2004

hmm after a wk le.. back to update.. hmm.. stil haven made ani decision as to wat i wanna take.. seems uninterested in anthing.. but no choice stil hav to try gt in uni lor.. if not mi life jus ends here liao... well stil feels sad wenver tink of mi results.. n how much i hav regretted wat i had done.. but no pt in pondering over wat had happen... but stil will sad lor.. wen to ntu n nus open hse.. den mani tots came to mi mind.. keep tinkin dat well abit like no hope gettin in le.. c all those pple there.. tink all got higher chances den i do.. den abit sad n stressed.. haiz..

hmm.. another thing dat came across mi mind recently.. bout how sum pple can jus treat frenship as crap... n dat is jus wasnt impt to them.. yeah.. tis type of pple r jus sucky.. wats more impt den frens.. we wun b ard w/o frens... in ways they hav help us n we shd not jus take them for granted... ppl out there shd noe wat im tokin bout... go fan xing ba... though i cant say dat im the best fren out there.. at least i tried... n mani a times.. in mi life til 18.. i hav the feelin of alwiz being used by mi frens... now n then.. y does such things hav to happen.. we r frens after all.. or rather.. used too...

yeah crappy entry.. but jus wanna gt mi msg out there... n how i felt ba....

Saturday, March 06, 2004

mi life is officialli over i guess.. done damn badly for mi a's.. so dun bother to ask liao... haiz.. well thnx for all those for tried consolin mi... i dun realli need consolation.. i need solution.. pple help mi tink wat can i do.. im goin to lose it soon.. haiz.. realli hav 0 idea as in wat was in there for mi.. read a few of mi horoscope for march.. n realise it was all too true.. n veli true.. well now tryin to accept fate.. n c wat i can realli do.. mi hopes r dashed.. cant gt into wat i realli wan.. n now forced to take sth which i hav no interest at all.. n realli NO interest... but wat to do.. tis is wat i gt for not puttin mi best effort in mi a's.. the feelin of regret is all over mi.. n i hate it.. haiz.. if onli hav work harder.. but its over le.. had disappointted miself.. n most importantly.. mi family... n every1 hu hav hopes pin on mi.. realli bad feelin.. so now im realli determined to do well if i can gt into uni.. n hope after the 1st yr can appeal to change course.. but hav to gt into uni 1st ba..

finalli realise dat im realli a BIG FAT FAILURE!!.. 2003 is a bad yr for mi... veli veli bad yr.. 1st mi study was shit... den bowlin was sucky.. den i nv achieve anithin i set for miself.. wat disappointment.. haiz.. hav to start plannin for mi life liao.. mi life is so different now.. haiz.. mani a times jus tot of dyin lor.. but no pt actualli... dyin on shows dat u had realli failed w/o tryin.. so mi last hope is gt into uni 1st den decide wat can i realli do liao... haiz..

well i din gt to sae tis to one of mi frens.. sum1 hu i consider close to mi durin jc yr.. she said sth like..
" y she keep pullin a long face ar? she oso nv did badly wat.. there r pple hu did worse den her (referin to herself)" she sounded irritated...
yeah i noe got pple worse den mi... u said dat cos u nv understand mi at all... i hav expectation for miself.. n i wan to achieve those expectation.. n wen u cant reach them.. u definitely will b sad.. n i do like studyin.. n i wan to continue studyin.. after almost losin wat i had.. i realise studyin is gd.... so i realli wan to study.. as for u.. u nv like studyin... n u dun care bout wat u got... we r so different... n im sad by wat u had said.. cos alwiz tot dat u r a gd fren n can understand how i feel... but no u dun... haiz.. n as for those hu tink the same wae as she do... u all oso dun understand mi ba.. its not bout comparin results n hu is gd n hu isnt.. its bout not achievin sth n way off from wat u expected... haiz.. guess no1 reali understand wat im feelin... so lost... no1 there to guide animore.. where is mi ray of hope?? n light at the end of the tunnel?? they r all dimmin.. i cant c.... cant feel... im lost...................