Thursday, May 15, 2003

back to post entry liaoz... wanted sum place to sae mi feelin.. haiz.. too sad bout everythin.. studies bowlin.. tink i sux at everythin lah.. mi onli hope was dashed.. now no more motivation to do anithin.. how i wish i could hav juz dropout of sch.. wats the pt rite? cant do well in ani of the things.. so stay 4 wat.. the team was out yest.. n i wasnt in.. realli sad.. but wat to do.. i'm lousy at it.. n dats a fact.. so no pt forcin into the team rite.. but dat makes mi tink of alot of things.. its like i wasted mi 2yrs in there.. all mi time effort n needless to sae.. money~ which i pretty sort of.. n now wat.. wasnt even in.. alwiz been to trainin nv pon n dats wat i gt.. haz... mayb i shdnt hav even bother to go if i noe the end is like dat.. its like mi last yr here.. n i wun even hav the feel of it.. no memories... nth like a blank piece of paper.. if sum1 were to ask mi to wat i accomplished in life.. i hav nth to write.. now oso dunno wat to do liao.. dun feel like goin to trainin animore.. its a torture to b there knowin dat every1 is trainin hard 4 the nat sch.. n wat am i doin there?? goin there to let pple to laugh at mi.. haz but oso cant sae i dun wan go.. coach yest personally tell mi wan to c mi in trainin.. so if dun go he will tink i gt lousy attitude.. but if i do go im makin miself sad.. y do i hav to choose??? either i dun go n feel happi (aniwae i alreadi feel isolated liao) or go n feel sad all thru til end of nat sch.. n since oso not in team mite as well dun even go 4 nat sch.. like dat i wun miss lesson 4 nth...haiz...studies... wat to do to do well?? everythin oso like shit.. n i onli hav teachers dat alwiz look down on u.. if like dat how to study rite if sum1 keep tellin u dat u r lousy.. the feelin juz wasnt gd.. haiz.. mayb i am juz tinkin too much or overactin.. but the feelin is juz there n cant gt rid of it...